I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
