She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
