Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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