i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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