we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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