I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize