and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
