I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
