Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
