Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
