Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
