best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
