Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
whose ass print is on the piano?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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