worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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