YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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