opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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