My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
