So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
