he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
