so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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