When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
