At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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