You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
