My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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