all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
