if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
