I accidentally burped into my bong.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
