No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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