oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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