Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
