Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize