They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
