Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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