"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
