end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
