So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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