I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
