there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
