I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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