Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
