There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
