you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
