I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
