Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have aggressive nipples.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
