They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
