I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
