So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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