So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
