I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the day after is always just damage control
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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