I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
