Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
