there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
