I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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