:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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