Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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