I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
