I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
