Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
