just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
