dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
