just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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