Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
