Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
