Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
