I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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