If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
