so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
