I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
