I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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